Back to Reality
by Becsy Lexi
Summary: After the events of 'Normal Again' Buffy wakes up in the clinic and finds that the real world is way more familiar than she thought. What will she do differently when she finds herself back at the beginning? Chapters 7&8 up
1. The Real World

Disclaimer: All belong to Joss; I'm just borrowing.  
  
Authors Notes: I know the whole 'Normal Again' scenario is one of the episodes that has had so many takes on it but I just had to write my own.  
  
Summary: After 'Normal Again' Buffy finds that the real world is way more familiar than she thought.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When I next opened my eyes it was quiet. The room was dark except for the shard of light that escaped from the corridor outside. I looked down and found I was still wearing the hospital gown. Creasing my forehead in thought I struggled to remember what had happened. How I'd got here. My head was too full and what was in it wasn't making too much sense. I remembered some demon, but now I remembered him twice, I'd seen him before, before he'd poisoned me this time, but where? It felt like a long time ago and also like it was recent somehow, but then I was sure I was confusing it with when he'd poisoned me in Sunnydale and my head hurt from my jumbled thoughts.  
  
  
  
Then they turned to my friends and it was difficult not to call for their help, but they weren't here were they? At least I knew I'd not killed them, I stopped that demon before it killed them but before I'd got the antidote I'd woken up here again and I knew I wouldn't be going back to them. That was a couple of days ago and my doctor couldn't believe I was now completely lucid. He and my parents regarded it as some miracle and I knew that whatever the hell had happened it wasn't a miracle. I had my own theories, but none I was sharing with my doctor or anyone else. I'd decided that I needed to be believably sane to be able to get out of here as quickly as possible and while I knew I was sane, it didn't mean that my doctor would be of the same frame of mind if I cared to share all of my thoughts following my 'awakening'.  
  
  
  
My parents. That had been one of the hardest things to deal with. While I knew that this was the world I belonged in, it was hard to discard the memories and feelings of those six years. Mom was here, she hadn't died, Dad was here as well, they were together, which in itself was a strange thing to comprehend and I would be going home soon. As soon as my doctor thought I was ready. He was concerned that I was still very confused and I was, a little anyway. Who wouldn't be after what had happened? The thing was I think the doctor was going to keep me here longer than he might have because he didn't understand what had happened. Muttering about miracles and impossibilities, I thought he could do with some reality checking and a much more open mind. Which was precisely why I was keeping quite a bit to myself about what had gone on. Because while I honestly did believe I belonged here, I couldn't bring myself to dismiss those six years in Sunnydale as a crazed delusion created by my mind.  
  
  
  
The other thing that was hard to deal with other than my lack of friends was the non-existence of Dawn. It was hard not to say things about her or ask where she was but I managed to keep myself quiet somehow. To my doctor and my parents, she was simply another delusion but to me she my sister and it was hard to accept that she wasn't around. I had a hard time dismissing her memory.  
  
  
  
As much as I tried I couldn't find an explanation, but then I was still a little confused. Not least by some of the things my parents had been talking about, to me and between themselves. Things like getting me back in school; what school? And though I didn't catch all of what they'd talked about, I could tell things weren't great between them. I guessed the stress of me being in here had taken its toll. But still something wasn't sitting right, they looked different, younger I guess and they'd talked about my blowing up the school gym like it had just happened. That was in discussion with the doctor and me. I'd fobbed them off with the explanation that I wasn't sure why I'd done it, for attention, because I was bored or because I was very angry? Those were the theories my parents and the doctor preferred. I think they were leaning toward the idea that I had a personality disorder. I supposed that to them it did explain some of my behaviour.  
  
  
  
That thing where I blew up the school felt like so long ago, I supposed that they were talking about it because it had happened just before they put me in here. Was that right? For some reason I recollected two instances when I'd come in here. I'd got out when I'd stopped talking about it, but then.I don't know I seem to have a memory block just there, that I can't get through.  
  
  
  
There was also the other thing. That I had blown up the school here. That I had talked about vampires here and then I'd been released once when I'd stopped going on about it. Didn't that mean something? The only answer I could think of was that I was still the slayer and then I got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. What had happened in the six years I'd been in here? Was there another slayer, and had they had to call another because I was in here? And also, why hadn't the council come to get me out? I was sure it was well within their power so why?  
  
  
  
The answer came to me quickly and gave me a shock that rivalled discovering I was the slayer. A little over two weeks had passed and I was sat in therapy with my doctor, talking to him quite normally about how I felt fine now and describing my feelings to him. Though boringly tedious I knew it was necessary. I mean I wanted to get out didn't I? I couldn't wait to get out so I went along with everything. I think they were all beginning to get that I was okay now and they weren't giving me medication now, thank god! Anyway, he went out to talk to my parents again and to bring them in. I took the opportunity to look around his office yet again.  
  
  
  
It was typically boring, drab; it wasn't surprising, it was the kind of room that is common in hospitals. My eyes came to rest on the calendar behind his desk. It was February, that's strange, I'd thought it was March, I frowned momentarily before realising that whatever had happened in my mind or not, it didn't mean that Sunnydale operated on the same time. Satisfied with my explanation of the month my eyes started to move past it ready to be bored by the objects on the desk when I caught sight of the year in the corner of the calendar. 1996. I did a double take and once again read the same date. That was wrong, why did he have a six-year-old calendar hanging up in his office? There was no way it was right was it? I got up and leaned forward to see if he had the date on his computer screen, as an increasing panic came over me. When I moved the mouse over the time in the bottom right corner of the screen and saw the date, 12th February 1996, I knew that it wasn't the date that was wrong, I was.  
  
  
  
  
  
Tbc.......  
  
  
  
Okay, how was that? I love Feedback so go on, go on, go on go on go on go on!  
  
  
  
- Becca. 


	2. The Truth Is

2. The Truth Is..  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
As impossible as it was to take in, and believe me, I had several crazy feeling moments just following my discovery, I knew there was no way that six years had actually passed since I was admitted. All that time had been in my head. I shook it as if to dislodge the memories that I couldn't get to. The ones that led up my being here the second time around, because I was now sure that this was the second time, no matter what the date was or anything else, I knew that I'd been in here once before, after I'd been called, but it wasn't for long, they'd let me out when I stopped talking about it and I'd carried on with my training after a bit of a stern lecture from Merrick about my secret identity and that no one was to know what I did. My parents had continued to worry about my behaviour and then, Merrick had died, I had to set fire to the gym, they kicked me out of school and everyone thought I was a mental case anyway. Well all except Pike. Pike! If it's really 1996, he must still be around, I wasn't sure. The events in my head seemed to diverge at my blowing up the gym. There was no real way to know what was going on in the real world. I hadn't been able to keep in touch with Pike after we moved to Sunnydale, but that wasn't real, we hadn't moved to Sunnydale, even so, I don't think that by this date we'd moved, we were planning it though. Dad had left and we were moving. But it hadn't happened. This was way too confusing.  
  
  
  
The truth was that it was only weeks since I'd blown up the gym, since they'd kicked me out of school. But the thing was, that wasn't when they'd put me in here. I remember the aftermath of it, being shouted at a lot and my parents shouting at each other and them looking at other schools for me. I hadn't been too interested. I was pissed off mostly, I'd got kicked out of school, lost all my friends, not that they'd been too into me just before that. And it was all because I was the slayer. Why had it happened? I hadn't asked for it. Who would ask for their life to be turned upside down? These feelings came back almost as strong as when I'd thought them, and that wasn't that long ago, even though it felt like it. Angry was the word.  
  
  
  
I remembered up to a couple weeks after the gym incident, I think I was patrolling with Pike, I think I was anyway. Patrolling, fighting, staking, the usual; and then.what happened after that? Did I go home? Do some more training? No.  
  
  
  
I was still searching my fractured memory when the doctor came back in followed by my parents, smiles plastered on their faces. I smiled and despite my difficulty I realised that he must have said something encouraging. I changed that encouraging to great when he announced that I wouldn't be here for very much longer, having diagnosed me with a personality disorder (yeah right) he said I seemed to be okay and that all needed once I was released was regular therapy for my disorder. Well I was going to agree to practically anything to get out of here. To get on with my life, or in my parents words, get on with school. That felt very weird, school; I had to go through all that again, even though I know I haven't really graduated. Weird was the word!  
  
  
  
He didn't actually say how soon, mom and dad said something about it being about a week but I knew they didn't really know. It was going to be hard to get used to the idea of having them around again. Seeing mom was so great it took huge restraint on my part not to hug her and exclaim how great it was that she wasn't dead each time she appeared. Dad was a different matter. I have all this resentment for him but I know that he hasn't done anything to deserve it. Not yet anyway. I knew that they weren't on the greatest of terms right now. I could tell just by watching them. I'd seen it before. I knew that it was coming; they probably knew it too. I expect they were just hanging on for me, until I got out of here, until I was 'better'.  
  
  
  
I was sitting in my room again, staring at the walls, there wasn't very much to do except that, I wouldn't be surprised if people who weren't cracked in the first place ended up that way just by being in one of these rooms. It feels like they're full of ghosts. With the news that I was going home soon my parents had been allowed to get me some of my own clothes. It was both a relief and a problem. I tried not to look at the clothes mom handed me with distaste. While it was good to wear something.normal, I was partly horrified at my taste in clothes; or rather, the memory of it, since my mom obviously didn't bring me my whole wardrobe. Okay, most of them were okay and I know that they were all fashionable but I still felt like I needed a whole new load of clothes. I had a feeling my mom wouldn't object right now. She'd probably let me have anything, in relief that I wasn't really crazy, but I guess that would be taking advantage of the situation. I smiled as the sixteen year old in me found the idea pretty funny.  
  
  
  
I was also going to have to get used to the fact that while it felt like I was 21, I was really only sixteen, though probably a little more mature as I had had to be with being the slayer, and also since I now had these six years worth of memories of growing up and stuff. Okay, now I'm confusing myself, maybe if I'm going to do that it should be in useful way. Like trying to figure out what happened during that patrol. I was sure it was during the patrol. I was fighting, Pike was fighting a little further away and then.after I thought I'd finished with the last vamp I was attacked from behind; Pike didn't even have time to warn me. That's it! That's what happened! I was attacked and I flipped over and turned round expecting to find another vamp, instead it was an icky demon. It was that demon, the same one. That's where I'd seen him before! I smiled as the pieces fitted back into place. Though it wasn't long lived. He'd poisoned me, he poisoned me then and then.I think he'd run or disappeared and Pike was at my side. I felt okay, a bit dizzy but otherwise fine and he took me home telling me to get a load of rest.  
  
  
  
I don't remember too clearly after that, I.was delirious; my parents thought I had the flu. But then I started talking about vampires and that a demon that poisoned me and about Pike and they got me straight back in that, this, horrible place. The only thing I remember after that and between waking up here are those six years in Sunnydale. But it hadn't been six years, just a couple of weeks. What did it mean? I needed to get out here very badly. Besides which the vamps could be having any number of parties with the slayer MIA.  
  
  
  
I was just thinking that I needed a new watcher and wondering whether he'd be anything like Giles when an orderly poked his head round the door.  
  
  
  
"Hey Buffy, you have a visitor, he's in the day room." I smiled slightly puzzled. My parents normally came straight into my room.  
  
  
  
"Who is it?" I asked.  
  
  
  
"Your uncle I think, come on, I think he may be in a hurry." I frowned as I followed him out of the room. I didn't have an uncle, or okay I did but he was in Europe or somewhere. Always travelling like dad. I didn't see any reason why he'd come and see me. Curious I peered round the corner into the room before my eyes rested where Giles was sitting. I did a double take as I had done with the calendar and I expect my expression must have been very similar to when I'd found out the real date. I walked forward somewhat awkwardly. What the heck was I meant to say? Hi I know who you are because you were my watcher and I've known you for six years in my head? I don't think so. I knew why the orderly had thought he was in a hurry as he kept checking his watch. I approached him nervously and I knew I'd have to tell him about the whole thing, especially if more things started happening like they had in my, lets call it a 'dream', sounds less crazy that way. Certainly, if Giles was going to be my watcher, that was the same. I supposed that I was going to have to take each day as it came, I mean, no one can really know the future before it happens. Right?  
  
Well, maybe not so much.  
  
  
  
  
  
Tbc.......  
  
  
  
I can never have enough feedback! So come on, out with it! : ) 


	3. Stranger Than Fiction

AN: In answer to your question. Yes, Giles is most definitely English; I can't really imagine him as anything else!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
3. Stranger Than Fiction?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Am I holding you up or something?" I asked smiling at him as he flustered about and regarded me before speaking.  
  
  
  
"Not at all Ms Summers but never-mind. You are no doubt wondering who I am and what I am doing here." I smiled again. Reminded of just how British he'd been when I'd first met him, just like now. I decided to treat my dream as memories if they turned out to be pretty accurate like with Giles. It made me wonder whether I was psychic in some way.  
  
  
  
"Actually, yes and no, but let me guess first?" He pursed his lips in impatience at my childish reply but smiled, I lowered my voice a little before speaking, "Your name is Rupert Giles and you're my new watcher. Probably thinking that you got a pretty bum assignment to a crazy slayer. Am I right?" The expression that he was now wearing was one of astonishment and I sat down quite pleased with myself.  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry but I wasn't aware that we had met." He looked at me obviously trying to work me out. I smiled to myself; he was going to spend years doing that.  
  
  
  
"No we haven't. You are my new watcher then?" I asked him, just to confirm it. He nodded slowly.  
  
  
  
"Yes, I'm sorry about." He looked suddenly uncomfortable and I knew what he meant.  
  
  
  
"Merrick." I finished for him. He nodded again.  
  
  
  
"I am very interested as to how you seem to know me but first I'd like to say that I do not think I got a bum assignment Ms Summers. Whatever your mental.status might be."  
  
  
  
"I'm not crazy." He looked at me as if to say that all crazy people claim the same thing. "Look you probably know about the first time I was in here. From Merrick's diaries about how I mistakenly told my parents about.you know." He nodded.  
  
  
  
"Yes, an unfortunate incident. However,"  
  
  
  
"If you are going to say that I wouldn't have started talking about it again to them without being crazy well you might be right but it wasn't my fault, I was poisoned."  
  
  
  
"Really?" He sounded interested and a little less sceptical.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, I mean if I'd had a watcher with me when it happened you'd all know about it and I probably wouldn't have been in here this long." He looked a bit abashed but I kept talking before he could say anything. "Well I was patrolling with Pike, my friend, and we'd just got rid of a whole bunch of them when this," I looked around, and whispered, "demon," before continuing at a normal tone. The last thing I needed was someone over hearing me talk about this. ".Attacked me and kind of I don't know injected me with this poison. Anyway my parents thought I had the flu but I was delirious and when I started talking about you know and other things to do with it they brought me straight back here. I don't really know what brought me out of it; maybe I developed immunity or something. All I know is that I really need to get out of here. At least I'll be getting out soon." He studied me for a moment before replying.  
  
  
  
"I'll have to research this demon. Your theory about developing immunity is probably more or less accurate. When did you recover?"  
  
  
  
"Two and a half weeks ago. It's so annoying that they think they have kept me here even though I'm fine. You know because they don't know what was up with me my doctor says I've got a personality disorder, and he got that just from me blowing up the gym, that was hardly my fault." Giles smiled somewhat amused at my lack of guilt. "Okay so it was, but there was a really good reason that I just can't tell anyone about. And because of that I got kicked out."  
  
  
  
"Yes, I was aware of that.lets just hope that it doesn't come to that at your new school. Now, you said they were letting you out?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah, should be in the next week, not long, it's actually sad that I want to start school again." He smiled at my admission.  
  
  
  
"Yes, I expect it's rather boring in here. Well, I can tell you that Sunnydale High is a good school at any rate and I'm sure you'll be fine. I know how you teenagers worry about fitting in." He trailed off when he caught sight of my shocked expression. This wasn't what I'd expected. Sunnydale? I didn't live in Sunnydale. If.but even as I tried to rationalise it I knew it was pointless. It looked like there really was more to my dream than I'd thought. I mean the Giles thing could have been a fluke, or maybe even slight slayer precognition but this was something much bigger. "Is everything alright Ms Summers you look pale."  
  
  
  
"Call me Buffy, you're my watcher after all. It's just, Sunnydale?" I asked. "I don't live in Sunnydale." He looked at me obviously puzzled before realisation dawned.  
  
  
  
"Oh dear, perhaps I should not have said that?" I nodded but knew that it was now impossible to deny what I knew was happening, just as I'd seen before.  
  
  
  
"We're leaving LA, mom and me aren't we?" He nodded in confirmation after a little hesitation.  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't realise that you didn't know."  
  
  
  
"It's okay it's not really a big shock. I saw it coming. Dad leaving. I knew it was going to happen I just didn't want to relive it again." When I looked up he looked confused again, I needed to tell him about the whole six years thing but I could see that the duty nurse was looking at us and I knew she was going to come and kick him out any minute now.  
  
  
  
"I certainly didn't mean to upset you." I smiled.  
  
  
  
"I know and like I said I saw it coming."  
  
  
  
"Oh all right. I was wondering if you could tell me how you knew me." I didn't know how to start and I knew it was a longer conversation than I wanted or could have at this point so I opted for the easy way out.  
  
  
  
"It's a really long story and I promise to tell you the whole thing when I get back.when I get to Sunnydale. Lets just say, I've seen some things." He didn't look entirely pleased with my answer but knew it would have to do.  
  
  
  
"Buffy, the reason I came to see you, other than to introduce myself was because something is going to happen. There are signs that point towards."  
  
  
  
"Let me guess, great unrest? Big Bad?" He nodded obviously not too confused by my unique turn of phrase. I smiled inwardly.  
  
  
  
"Yes, some time soon, but if you are getting out of here this week we should be in time. Though without recent training."  
  
  
  
"Oh that's okay, they've let me use the gym here, supervised of course but I've been training. I've got to do something in here, training seemed like a good boredom reliever. A pity I can't be in the gym all the time." He looked relieved. "I'll be out and then we can work on getting the Master." He looked at me confused again, okay not surprising.  
  
  
  
"It was good to meet you Buffy." He looked like such typical Giles that it was hard not to hug him.  
  
  
  
"You too, do me a favour? Look up 'The Harvest' for us."  
  
  
  
"The Harvest?" I nodded.  
  
  
  
"You are being awfully mysterious Buffy." I shrugged.  
  
  
  
"Yep, look it up. I promise to tell you everything once I get.there." It was hard not to say home. "And like I said, I've seen some things." He nodded again and said goodbye. When I got back to my room I felt calmer than I had before. My itch to get out of here hadn't gone, in fact it was worse because I now knew that what I'd seen of those six years it was probably more or less all going to happen, well unless I did some thing about it. You know about the bad things. I was just realising that the possibilities for change were in Giles' type words, staggering. And now I wanted to get out so I could stop the Harvest, again.  
  
  
  
Maybe slayer's had unknown psychic powers, stronger than just dreams and maybe mine had been somehow heightened by the poison and that was why it had felt like I'd lived the six years. Maybe. That was pretty cool. Though I knew that while my knowledge was a good thing it could also be pretty dangerous so I decided I'd only tell Giles about it. He was the only one who really needed to know anyway, at least at the moment. It wasn't as if I was even friends with Willow and Xander yet. I hope I will be.  
  
  
  
The next few days were pretty slow, but I guess they only felt that way because I really wanted to get home. And I was going, today, this afternoon to be exact. The minute I was out of that place I felt so much better. The air felt cleaner and so did I. The moment we got home I calmly asked my parents what was going on with them and though they were totally surprised at how I knew, they thankfully treated me as an adult enough to tell me the truth about them and their break up. They swore that it wasn't me that had done it and as I had done before, I tried to believe them but it was difficult. After all that I'd done. And I still couldn't tell them about my.extenuating circumstances.  
  
  
  
After they'd told me about the divorce, mom told me about Sunnydale and I tried to feign surprise. I think she expected more opposition. I think she may have also been a little wigged at my continuing attitude which I supposed was nothing like it would have been had I not seen a vision of the future. The thing was I'd already spent most of my time trying to imagine ways to prevent her brain tumour and her dying. The horrible truth was that I knew I wouldn't be able to stop it and that feeling of helplessness that I remembered all too well invaded my system. There was nothing I could do to stop it. I depressingly guessed that I'd just have to make the most of my time with her if there really wasn't anything I could do. Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to take her presence for granted. It was a gift that I still had her around. Even so I couldn't help but start imagining myself doing some intense research into brain tumours.  
  
  
  
The other thing that was bothering me, that had been bothering me since the clinic, was Dawn. There was no Dawn, not yet anyway. It was hard to accept that I had no sister yet and probably wouldn't for another four years. I wondered whether I would remember that Dawn wasn't my sister when the monks gave us those memories. Surely they wouldn't take memories away, they just added them, right? I don't know, I guess my diary will fill me in if I don't remember. This is the new diary I just started because of all of this, plus if mom ever goes snooping in my stuff, for crazy daughter evidence she'll just find the other one, and there isn't anything weird in it. I have a separate slayer diary, now I guess I've got three. Two of which I have to find ingenious hiding places for.  
  
  
  
At least this way I'll have somewhere to put all the jumbled up thoughts I'm having instead of them running circles in my head. My questions about the future and everything, there is too much of it all so I have to put it somewhere. Out of my mind and on paper seemed a good idea.  
  
  
  
I had no time to find Pike and talk to him as mom was watching me like a hawk before we moved. All I could do without questioning was pack, which also made it difficult to go out and patrol. But it wasn't as though I wasn't as expert in sneaking out of the house and I got in a few patrols and self-training sessions at the gym. I was still looking forward to school, though a strange feeling seemed to have settled in my stomach which was also accompanied by slight confusion concerning what I knew about the future and what I could do possibly do about it all. It wasn't hard to dismiss the feeling at first since I knew that I'd talk to Giles about it and he'd know what we could do.  
  
  
  
The night after we moved to Sunnydale I woke up in a horrible frenzy from my dream. I'd forgotten about those horrible dreams, the master, the harvest, and everything else. I lay back trying and failing to go back to sleep. I glanced at the clock and it told me it was 01:03 and with a sign gave in to the inevitable. I'd go and patrol, maybe that's why I couldn't sleep.  
  
By the time I left the second cemetery I'd managed to get three vampires and I set off to the next one. That was why I was a little puzzled to find that my feet had carried me to Sunnydale High School instead. I thought I might see if Giles was in the library when my slayer hearing picked up the sound of breaking glass that came from somewhere in the school. I was half way to where I thought the sound had originated when I suddenly remembered.  
  
  
  
"Gym was cancelled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker.. Some guy was stuffed in Ora's locker.. Totally dead, Way dead."  
  
Cordelia's voice echoed strangely in my head and I upped my walk to a run when I realised he could be dead already. I rounded a corner and saw that the broken glass was from a science lab window. I pulled myself up and through it, landing on the floor with as little noise as possible and made my way to the door. Peering through it I could hear voices very near and as stealthily as I could I opened it. Very suddenly I heard the all too familiar growl and accompanying face morph of the vampire as it bit that guy. Knowing there wasn't any time now I ran and pulled the blonde vamp off him. She spun around and hit the wall as the guy fell to the floor, obviously dead. I cursed myself. Here was the first victim of Buffy Summer's stupidity. I hadn't been quick enough; I hadn't remembered when I should have.  
  
  
  
I faced the vamp ready to deal with it before my guilt trip could really take off. That was until I saw who the vamp was and the thought seemed to leave my head along with many others. Anger, hate, jealousy to name but a few of the emotions that suddenly flowed through my veins as I looked at Angel's sire, Angel's ex-lover.  
  
  
  
"Darla." I said not bothering to leave the contempt out of my voice while I flicked my stake around in my hand so she couldn't miss it.  
  
She looked at me, annoyed that I'd not let her finish her meal. Not that had made any difference to the poor guy lying on the floor down there.  
  
"Do I know you little girl?" She asked icily.  
  
"No, but I know you." She looked at me suspiciously, her eyes coming to rest on my stake she let out a derisive laugh. Huh she thinks I'm that funny does she? Won't be laughing when she's blowing in the wind.  
  
"Slayer." I rolled my eyes at her.  
  
"Gee, what gave me away?" She looked pissed and took a stance as if ready for a fight though her eyes flicked to each end of the corridor as if she was weighing up each one as a possible escape route.  
  
"I don't think so, like I'm going to just let you go running back to your master to tell him about me."  
  
"Very well then." She said confidently. Luckily for me her face showed that she didn't want to fight me just as she hadn't, wouldn't want to tomorrow in the mausoleum. I don't think she wanted to fight a slayer. A bit strange considering she was meant to have been a badass vamp, hundreds of years older than even Angel, but then it was Spike who had killed two slayers, not Darla.  
  
  
  
I punched her face a couple of times while I dodged all her attempts to hit me back. A kick from me meant that she was now on the floor again, looking more than a bit annoyed but also, scared.  
  
"Nothing to say now?" I asked as she backed away still on the floor. "A bit less mouthy now aren't we?" I kicked her again and she got up a second later. After another round of exchanging blows and kicks I still had the upper hand and Darla appeared to be faltering. What a shame! "Can't say anyone will miss you." I told her as I surprised her with a series of punches in very quick succession.  
  
  
  
I pulled out my stake again and with a quick movement the stake was embedded in her chest. And I smiled, victorious. Her face showed complete disbelief before that and the rest of her disappeared into a cloud of dust that settled half on the floor, and me, which I hastily brushed off me. Ugh, Darla dust, not the kind of accessory I wanted to be wearing, even if it was the middle of the night and there was no one to see me. Famous last thoughts. I froze as I heard a voice outside, it might have called Darla. I glanced guiltily at the dead guy again but decided I didn't need to implicate myself by being found over a dead body so I left him. Briefly thinking that the cleaners would probably find him early in the morning, he wouldn't fall out of a locker this time.  
  
  
  
I got out of another window and snuck up on the vampire waiting by the broken window. He must have been young for me have caught him like that, he didn't even hear me and I staked him quickly, this time taking the stake out before he disintegrated, it was the only other one I'd brought out.  
  
  
  
I patrolled one more cemetery and killed one more vamp before calling it a night and heading home. I didn't give much time to thinking about dusting Darla, I did wonder about Angel though. Especially since I think he'd been following me since I left that last cemetery. Was he going to regret me getting rid of Darla? Did he want to do it himself? Well, it was too late now, there was one less vamp in town a bit earlier than there might have been and as far as I was concerned it was all good. I turned my attention back to the, admittedly stealthy stalker that I'd got about ten minutes ago.  
  
I turned around and stopped; and the faint sound of his footsteps also stopped. I stared into the black behind me and decided it would be easier to meet him tomorrow night and started off again at the same pace. He followed me all the way home.  
  
  
  
I finally felt like sleeping as I stepped into my room from the window and set my other foot down as gently as I could. Several thoughts flitted through my head before I slept, I hadn't saved that boy tonight; how many other people might I not save? For that matter, how many things would I be able to change at all, even with my new knowledge? I thought my life was strange before, with being the slayer an all, but this was so much weirder. Like some science fiction crap, but not, my life was way stranger than that and, my life was real.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Tbc.....  
  
AN: The clinic that Buffy was in was a really posh one, very expensive. Which explains why it had a gym for use by staff and the more stable patients. Just thought I'd explain that. I just thought about it!  
  
I still love feedback! 


	4. Explanations and Introductions

Hello! How long has it been? No, don't answer that, here I am, I've finally finished college and I've just got a new computer so I thought it was high time I got back to the important stuff, so here's a celebratory new chapter.  
  
4. Explanations and Introductions.  
  
"Buffy!" I heard through the hazy fog of sleep. I had no problem pulling myself out of the nasty demon filled dream that was running through my mind.  
  
"I'm up!" I called to her, sitting up and surveying the box strewn bedroom. I guess some things are innately unchangeable, including my extreme lack of tidiness. Or say, lack of care about being tidy.  
  
"Buffy! You don't want be to be late for your first day of school."  
  
"No, wouldn't want to do that." I said to myself as I glanced around the familiar room. Wow, déjà vu much.  
  
When we got to school mom was full of platitudes about making friends. Yeah I'd like to think that I'm sure I'll make friends too, just as long as my, beginning to get annoying, precognition doesn't get in the way, oh and also the fact that I'm say, the slayer.  
  
"And honey?" I turned around, "Try not to get kicked out of school." I nodded,  
  
"I'll try mom." I certainly shouldn't get kicked out of school this time. How to avoid that? Not get caught by police while I stand over a dead body I guess. Though this issue put another in the forefront of my mind, Kendra, I died for her to be called, was that fair to her, no, and it certainly wasn't high on my to-do list. But would it work out better if I didn't die? Shit! Way too many questions and not enough answers for my liking, but my dying was a little further off than certain other things that would need to be dealt with and, it was a relief when I determined to put that issue aside for a while. There were other things to worry about and overload my mind with.  
  
So here I was, staring at the hauntingly familiar Sunnydale High school, which I had really never actually set eyes on in my life and it wasn't a very reassuring feeling. Well, can't stand here all day, I walked towards the school; and whatever my fate was going to be.  
  
I figured I didn't have time to go and see Giles so I went and had the meeting with Principal Flutie. I sat there while he talked about a clean slate and I tried to think of how I'd stop those possessed hyena people from eating him, least of all so we could be spared Principal Snyder. It seemed to go exactly how I remembered it.  
  
".Not even if it says.err." I started, bringing myself back to the present; he was reading my transcripts.  
  
"Principal Flutie."  
  
"All the kids here are free to call me Bob."  
  
"Bob." I said unable to stop saying it as it involuntarily slipped out.  
  
"But they don't."  
  
"I know that my transcripts are a little colourful." Yep, they were very colourful.  
  
"Hey we aren't caring about that, are you sure colourful is the right word, not abysmal?"  
  
"Well." There wasn't really very much I could say to that. They were pretty abysmal after all, though there were plenty of good reasons for that! Good reasons I couldn't tell anyone.  
  
"You burned down the gym." He said taping the paper together again.  
  
"I really did but that's really not the big picture, that gym was full of.asbestos?" I told him not being able to think of anything more believable that wouldn't land me back in the posh loony bin.  
  
When I got out into the hall and bumped into someone, dropping the contents of my bag all over the floor it was very hard not to be completely taken over by the strongest feeling of déjà vu, particularly when I found that Xander had bent down to help me.  
  
"Can I have you?" He asked smiling his goofy Xander smile. I couldn't help smiling back at him; I'd forgotten just how sweet he'd been when I'd first been here. That was before I remembered that I'd never actually been here really. That was just too weird to think about. I'd lived those six years as much as I could have without actually having lived them. Could I be making less sense? "Can I help you?" He asked this time grabbing hold of the right grammar.  
  
"Thanks." I said as I picked some more things up to go back in my bag.  
  
"I don't know you, do I?" He asked, not yet, boy will you be surprised. Then my mind touched upon something else, I was trying to remember how Xander found out about me being the slayer. I didn't know. He must have overheard Giles and me, or something. Oh well. As much as I didn't want to drag them into my scary world, it's probably safer for them if I do.  
  
"I'm Buffy, I'm new."  
  
"Xander is me, hi." Very sweet young Xander said, still having trouble articulating his thoughts.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Well, maybe I'll see you around. Maybe at school, since we both go there."  
  
"Great it was nice to meet you." And I'll probably see you later, I thought as I made my way down the hall.  
  
After history class I couldn't help but get caught up in Cordelia's self- involved orientation around school. When we got to the water fountain to find Willow I jumped in just as Cordelia finished her 'once you can identify all your losers by sight' ramble.  
  
"Yeah and you know what Cordelia, I'm looking at one right now, I think I'd much rather have real friends and if you don't mind I'd like to talk to Willow for a moment." And with that I walked off, making sure I followed Willow came with me and leaving Cordelia with a stunned expression on her overly made up face.  
  
"Willow!" I called out; she turned around where she was sitting.  
  
"Hi, how did you know my name?"  
  
"I have my sources." She smiled; yep this was my Willow. "You don't mind if I hang with you?" She shook her head smiling. "I heard that you were the person to talk to, to help get me caught up."  
  
"I can totally help you with that; we could meet in the library after schools finished." I smiled unsure. In one way I was dying to get on with my life and have Willow and Xander in on my secret but on the other hand I had this overwhelming urge to protect them. But then how could I be sure they were safer not knowing? It was a fair question. Not knowing certain things in Sunnydale can get you killed. But I knew I'd already been over this and made my decision, they would be safer knowing.  
  
"Yeah we can do that." I replied, at which point Xander and Jesse appeared.  
  
"Hey, are you guys busy? Are we interrupting? We're interrupting." Xander said as he sat down.  
  
"Hey." Was all I could manage, what was I supposed to say, really?  
  
"Hey." Jesse also said.  
  
"Buffy, this is Jesse and that's Xander."  
  
"Oh, me and Buffy." I suddenly thought I'd better save Xander from his cringe worthy next few sentences so I interrupted.  
  
"Yeah, me and Xander already met." Jesse nodded looking suitably impressed. "Well, it's nice to meet you guys."  
  
"Well, you know, we wanted to welcome you, make you feel at home, that sort of thing." Jesse said as they sat down.  
  
"And to return this," Xander said producing one of my stakes. Whoops! "The only thing that I could think was that you're building a really little fence." Not exactly!  
  
"Um, no, actually it was for self defence, everyone has them in LA, pepper spray is just so passé."  
  
"So what do you do for fun, what do you like, what do you look for in a man, lets hear it." Xander said in one breath as he sat very close to me. He really likes me already, oh boy.  
  
"If you have any dark painful secrets you'd like to publish" Jesse said, he was definitely a priority, saving Jesse's life.  
  
"Gee, everyone wants to know about me, how keen."  
  
"Well, not much goes on in a one Starbucks town like Sunnydale, you're pretty big news." I find that very hard to believe, stuff happened, people just chose to ignore it I guess, pretend it wasn't there. Things don't change.  
  
"No I'm not, really." Well, no harm in pretending I'm normal for a few hours is there?  
  
"Did you hear about the dead guy they found in the main hallway this morning?" Jesse asked. I was relieved they'd changed the subject of discussion from me, even if it was to talk about that dead guy. That was my fault, I didn't save him and I didn't bother to clean it up, I got a slight depressive feeling suddenly, but what the hell could I have done with that body that wouldn't have made it more suspicious, precisely! I tried to shrug off my uneasy guilty feelings and look appropriately interested and saddened.  
  
"No." Willow replied for us.  
  
"Well, no one's meant to know but yeah they found this guy this morning, his blood had been drained." Jesse looked suitably pleased at our shocked reactions, while I was liking this conversation less and less by the minute. Thankfully we didn't dwell on it for much longer.  
  
We talked a bit more before Willow and the guys went off to class and I decided to go and talk to Giles and explain what was 'going on with me' and also talk about The Harvest and our plan. At least I had a free period and I wasn't skipping class. I also needed that history textbook so I had the excuse for being in there. Not that I supposed that anyone was going to get in trouble for being in the library. I suppose that was why we never did, or I should say why we never will.  
  
I walked into the library and stopped to take in everything. It looked the way I remembered, exactly, it was very difficult to remember that I had never actually been in here. Walking over to the counter the same newspaper story was circled. I turned to walk towards Giles' office only to practically collide with him in the process.  
  
"Miss Summers, hello again."  
  
"Yeah, hi and didn't we do the whole you can call me Buffy thing? Anyway, the thing is I thought I should explain about what I said at the clinic and also, did you research that demon that poisoned me and also the Harvest thing?" I said almost in one breath. And he smiled, obviously amused in his very British way.  
  
"Well, I would like the explanation about how you know certain things, and yes I have researched that demon as you call it and the Harvest, I'm not quite finished but I think I have got the gist." I smiled motioning for him to sit down.  
  
"Do you want to hear then? I've got to warn you, you may think that what I'm telling you is slightly insane. Like maybe I should back in that place." I sat down opposite him at the table.  
  
"Go on, let me be the judge of whether it is insane or not."  
  
"Okay then, basically from the time I was poisoned and in the clinic I experienced what I think was some sort of psychic premonition and that was what the doctors thought were insane hallucinations but they weren't because I actually experienced six years worth of my life from 1996 onwards." I blurted out and waited for his reaction. He leaned forward with a kind of incomprehensible expression on his face. I couldn't really tell whether he thought I was insane or just lying, but, hello, why would I do that?  
  
"Are you saying you think you have seen the future?"  
  
"Yes and I don't think I know, only it wasn't like seeing the future, I lived it, so much so that when I got better I thought I'd been in there for six years. Not just weeks like I had been."  
  
"You lived it? Am I to understand that you think," I gave him a look so he corrected himself, "Am I to understand that you have effectively lived the next six years of your life and that is how you knew me, and about the Harvest?"  
  
"Yes, though some things are obviously slightly different this time. I would have met you for the first time just now if it hadn't been for that stupid demon. But then if I hadn't been poisoned I wouldn't have known that and we wouldn't be having this conversation." I wondered whether he was following, but then he was Giles, he always did.  
  
"Yes." He said, obviously deep in thought. He sat there not saying anything for several minutes while I wondered how long it was going to be before he started asking me all kinds of questions I wouldn't know the answers to.  
  
"Hello, Giles?" I said waving my hand in front of his eyes instead of waiting for him to come out of his thinking mode that could very possibly last until Willow came to meet me in here after school had ended for the day and we wouldn't have discussed anything. He looked up a little surprised.  
  
"Oh, yes, my apologies Buffy."  
  
"It's a lot to think about huh?" I asked him hoping he would have some incredible insight, be the all knowing all wise Watcher that I needed him to be. I had been feeling a little lost without anyone to talk to about this.  
  
"Yes, yes it is. We should talk about this in detail."  
  
"Can't we talk now?" I said suddenly realising how much I needed to get things off my chest and share the problems with someone else.  
  
"Well, yes we can but there is also The Harvest to consider." He stated, very rationally, why are there always other things to deal with?  
  
"Yeah, I know, I remember and I stopped it so I don't see why I can't do the same now."  
  
"You stopped it?"  
  
"Well, technically not yet but I will, the thing is there's so many things that are happening, that are going to happen that my brains got very full and confused and I really need to unload at least some of it." He nodded, he seemed to understand.  
  
"Of course, it must be rather, overwhelming, to know what is going to happen, if indeed that's what it is, what you saw." I could see him going into thinking Watcher mode again.  
  
"Of course that's what it is, I mean, Slayers have precognitive dreams, I don't see why a little poison, or whatever, wouldn't cause a full blown psychic vision."  
  
He seemed to be considering my remark for a minute.  
  
"You are right Buffy, it is plausible. The matter at hand however, is The Harvest." I rolled my eyes at him, unable to stop myself, here I was trying to talk to my Watcher about the numerous problems that lie ahead and all he can focus on is the Harvest. I guess I couldn't really blame him for that. It must all be quite a lot for him to deal with as well. He had a new slayer and a whole heap of ready made problems and issues. It made me wonder, was I his first slayer? Why didn't I know that? Or know more about him in general? It made me guilty and more determined at the same time, to get to know my Watcher a lot better, maybe that way he would never leave me. But then he only left me because of my problems following my return from beyond. I smiled grimly. That wasn't going to happen, no way. But that made me think about Dawnie. I actually missed her annoying habits as much as anything else. What was I saying about too many things going round in my mind? And I was still slightly annoyed that all he could think about was the Harvest. So I almost couldn't help it when the following came rushing out of mouth mostly skipping the think before speaking brain link. Do I even have that?  
  
"I'm not the Slayer out of choice you know, you Watchers owe me for agreeing to continue when all it's got me is trouble."  
  
"We owe you?"  
  
"All being the Slayer has gotten me up until now is trouble. I got kicked out of school, lost all of my friends; I saw my Watcher get killed. I have to spend all of my time fighting for my life and can't tell anyone, and not only do my parent's think I am nothing but trouble, they think I'm crazy too so you'll have to forgive me if I'm not hugely enthusiastic as far as being the Slayer goes. The only reason I'm even talking to you is because I know things that are going to happen and they aren't good." He didn't look pleased and my mood didn't let me care, I was pissed.  
  
"It is your duty."  
  
"Yeah," I snorted in disgust, as far as I was concerned at that moment I might have well have not have seen the six year vision because the way I was feeling was exactly how I remembered myself on that first day at Sunnydale. Pissed off at Giles for forcing me to take up my Slayer duties, but I'd never given them up and I regained some focus and perspective. I was angry but they were the old issues of not having a normal life and I was directing it in the wrong place. It wasn't Giles' fault and I suddenly felt a lot less angry. Guilt now took over, again, whoops.  
  
"It is your duty." He repeated and I knew what was coming. "You are the Slayer.."  
  
"Oh, yes, this is a good bit, I am the Slayer, one girl in all the world, the chosen one, one girl born with the strength and skill to fight the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil, yadda, yadda, I've heard it already, several times, a couple of times from you." I smiled a brilliant smile, in part trying to make up for the misdirected anger earlier.  
  
He didn't seem to know what to say next.  
  
"Giles, I don't mind dealing with The Harvest, I really don't, I know it needs dealing with, but there are more things, worse things that are coming."  
  
"Very well,"  
  
"Look, Giles, I gotta book, I've got a class, oh, I forgot that History book; I'll get it later." I said as I got up and headed for the door.  
  
"You are coming back yes?" I turned.  
  
"Yeah, I'm meeting Willow after for some catch up, we'll talk."  
  
"I do realise the seriousness of what you are saying Buffy." I stopped this time.  
  
"Yeah okay, I know you need to think about it, even if you don't know the details yet and I'm sorry for earlier, I'm not mad at you." He smiled.  
  
"We will talk later then, obviously not with Willow around." Err yeah, "Will you be patrolling?"  
  
"Maybe, I'm going to check out the Bronze, that's where The Harvest goes down." I thought it best to make him think it was a Slayer thing.  
  
"Very good,"  
  
"Can you not tell the Council about this, about me knowing these things?" He looked at me slightly puzzled. "I just don't want them knowing this now." Or ever, I said to myself. He nodded, conceding, I could see he would want to talk to me about that as well.  
  
I smiled, knowing I could tell him something he would really like before I left the library.  
  
"Oh and Giles, I staked Darla last night." And with that I left him standing there in Sunnydale High library with a very surprised expression on his face. I wonder how long it was before he moved to write it in his Watcher Diary.  
  
Tbc,  
  
Questions? Comments? I'm a bit rusty as far as my stories go. Feedback would be the best thing ever! And I'll try to write the next part as soon as I can.  
  
Becca 


	5. Angel, the Harvest and Other Issues

Hey everyone, it's been ages : ) as usual, but since I've got some spare time I thought I'd get back to my favourite stories. Feedback is as always, wonderful.  
  
Disclaimer- Dialogue from season one episode Welcome to the Hellmouth is obviously not mine.  
  
5. Angel, the Harvest and Other Issues  
  
Shortly after Buffy had left the library and Giles had gone back to his office Xander finally moved from his position behind the book shelves to gawk at the now deserted library.  
  
"What?" He said to no one in particular, he thought he was losing his mind, no, it wasn't him, more likely the new British librarian and that cute new girl had already lost their minds. Yep they were definitely crazy. Though he did have a strange niggling feeling in his mind, well there was one way to know for certain.  
  
The rest of the school day was uneventful. I had no problem finding my way around, which was good, even though I'd never been there. School wasn't really the worst problem at present. It was apparent that Cordelia had told people about me in reaction to my dismissal of Queen C and I was already classed as a 'loser'. It didn't really bother me, there's nothing terrible about that, it should work out fine, I may not be popular but I'd have great friends.  
  
So when Willow and I headed to the library I was in a fairly good mood despite our plans for catch up studying. Giles was stood at the counter, clearly engrossed in one of his Time Life series books on creatures of the night, vampire, werewolf, who knows, though considering our current prophesy concerning the Harvest, it was more likely to be the vampire one.  
  
He looked up as we approached the table and set our bags down.  
  
"Hello Willow, Buffy, are you wanting some books?" Giles asked in a completely normal tone. Willow looked at him,  
  
"You know Buffy Mr Giles?" She asked, obviously because I was 'the new girl'.  
  
"Err, yes, we met earlier, didn't we Buffy?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, I was looking for a history textbook but I didn't have a chance to get it." Buffy explained, Willow nodding as she accepted the reason.  
  
"What would do you want to go over first?" Willow asked taking out some books from her bag.  
  
The study session went well and Willow and I got to know each other some more, which was comforting amidst the rest of the things that were going on, or would be.  
  
I told Willow I'd see her at The Bronze and Giles turned to me when she left.  
  
"I'm pleased that you're taking your normal studies seriously." I smiled,  
  
"Well, they are important, and when I'm paying them attention, studying really isn't that bad, or difficult."  
  
"Quite, very good, now we have to discuss the Harvest. You are aware of the specifics I assume?"  
  
"Yep, Sunnydale is on a Hellmouth and there's a big bad old vampire trapped between the earth and a demon dimension from when he tried to open it in 1938 or whenever it was, but caused an earthquake and was trapped inside. The Harvest is a ritual for him to become powerful enough to break free, blah blah."  
  
Giles smiled slightly surprised.  
  
"You have a remarkable memory for a girl who saw an entire six years in two weeks." I shrugged,  
  
"I guess so, I don't think I remember everything but I think I know enough, I hope I do." Giles watched me curiously for several seconds before he spoke again.  
  
"Once this Harvest is out of the way, we will have that talk, I promise." I nodded, though whether I was looking forward to it was highly debateable, I knew it was necessary but it wasn't going to be fun. "You are going to The Bronze correct? Well then I suggest you remain on the lookout for vampires and any odd activities, though I know the Harvest is tomorrow they may be making preparations."  
  
"You're right, they will be. I need to watch for several in particular, I need to make sure I pay attention." Saying the last part mostly to myself, I could feel Giles gaze.  
  
"Buffy is something bothering you? What do you know?" He could tell there was something; I guess I wasn't hard to read. I looked up at him,  
  
"It's Jesse, I need to save Jesse."  
  
"Jesse? Is that Willow and Xander's friend?"  
  
"Yes." My voice sounding small, "Yes," I said again, this time more determined and when I looked at Giles he seemed to understand the seriousness of my statement that I needed to save Jesse.  
  
"I better go." I said gathering my bag and new books.  
  
"Be careful Buffy." Giles called after me and I smiled my thanks before I left the Library and tried to plan for tonight. There was that vamp that Willow talks to and Jesse, he talked to Darla but I staked her, I still have to watch for them, hone as Giles would tell me. And then there was Angel who I would need to talk to, but my potential friends came first.  
  
It wasn't long after I'd left the house that I became aware of Angel's presence as he followed me, can anyone say stalker? He wants to be treated as a non-biting variety vampire? Well, perhaps he should be employing different greeting tactics other than acting as my stalker. I made my way down a side alley, hoping to catch him.  
  
He slipped into the alley completely unaware, but was he really unaware? I pondered while holding myself upside down on the pipe. He's a vampire, hello, they have that icky smelling people thing going on don't they? Regardless, I swung down and kicked the back of his head, him landing in the dirt and me flipping down and placing my foot on his neck. He sure looks yummy in that shirt; oh boy do I have to stop myself doing that or what? Anyway he's smiling up at me like he knows something I don't know, sure smug arse, let's see shall we? He might be gorgeous but that smirk is kinda annoying right now.  
  
"Is there a problem ma'am?" He says, laughing slightly. A problem, you could say that.  
  
"Yeah, there's a problem, why are you following me? Stalking is an offence you know, but then you guys don't much care for the law do you?" Oh this is fun!  
  
"I know what you're thinking," I very much doubt it Angel, "But don't worry, I don't bite." He lies. Is that really the way to open the slayer – vampire with a soul, business relations? No other relations for obvious reasons.  
  
I smile but don't move my foot.  
  
"Right," I say dragging out the word for effectiveness "Is that what you say to all the girls?" The smile is not back and he looks suddenly unsure.  
  
I smile again,  
  
"Oh, don't worry yourself; I don't think I'll be using this," I swing my stake about carelessly, "At least, not right now anyway." I remove my foot and he gets up brushing himself off, obviously still trying to work me out.  
  
"What's the matter, vamp got your tongue? Huh, that isn't right is it, ugh; need to work on my puns."  
  
After composing himself again, Angel tried to regain his previously cool exterior.  
  
"The truth is I thought you'd be taller, bigger muscles or something, you're pretty spry though." He says rubbing his neck like its still hurts another lie. Maybe he should have therapy. I try not to giggle, vampire therapy.  
  
"Yeah, look, what do you want?" I ask playing along a little longer.  
  
"The same thing you do." He reply's mysteriously.  
  
"Okay, what do I want?" I smile, unable to stop myself; boy was he in for a surprise. He stepped towards me.  
  
"To kill them, to kill them all." I look as if I'm thinking for a second.  
  
"Them?" I ask, "Wouldn't that include you?" He looks unsure of me again, like he's not sure whether to admit to this or not.  
  
"You need to be prepared, the Harvest is coming." He says this like the last few minutes never happened, oh dear, you think I scared him?  
  
"Gee, can you vague that up for me?" I ask sarcastically, putting the stake in my jacket.  
  
"You gotta be ready." He tells me as he throws me a box.  
  
"I wouldn't worry yourself Angel, I will be ready." I tell him and turn to walk away. I can almost hear his mind trying to get around it.  
  
I'm almost out of the alleyway when he speaks again.  
  
"You know me?" I turn, with a half a smile, but it's not a happy one.  
  
"I thought that was obvious." He said nothing, "You know me, I know you; we're even at this point so let's just leave it for now, after all, I've got the Harvest to stop." He nodded almost imperceptibly and I turn again, "Try to keep out of trouble, I think you're the only vampire who wouldn't be better off as a pile of dust. See ya around Angel." And with that I walk determinedly and head towards the Bronze, putting on my new accessory.  
  
Willow was sat at the bar when I found her.  
  
"Hey Willow!" She turned and smiled.  
  
"Oh hi Buffy! You okay?" She asked looking concerned while I looked confused.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine" She looks around at the crowd, and I smile, "You looking for Xander by any chance?"  
  
"Yeah, he usually meets me here." She said smiling, "But we're just good friends, we're not dating or anything." She added quickly after seeing my smile.  
  
"But we used to, go out, but we broke up."  
  
"Really, what happened?" I asked her, smiling a little.  
  
"He stole my Barbie."  
  
"Huh?" I think I'm about to discover a new illness, déjà-vu-itis.  
  
"Oh, we were five." Willow explains as I manage to look confused and enlightened while she sipped her drink. "I don't actually date a whole lot lately."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool or witty or at all, I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away."  
  
"It can't be that bad."  
  
"No, it is, I think guys are more interested in a girl who can talk."  
  
"You really haven't been dating lately."  
  
"It's probably easy for you."  
  
"Yeah; real easy."  
  
"I mean, you don't seem too shy."  
  
"Well, my philosophy, do you want to hear my philosophy?"  
  
"Yeah I do."  
  
"Life is short."  
  
"Life is short." Willow repeated nodding her head.  
  
"Not original I'll grant you but it's true, you have to seize the moment because tomorrow you might be dead."  
  
"That's nice," She paused, not sure what to say now,  
  
"Yeah, just don't go seizing the moment with complete strangers okay? You never know what they're really like, or after for that matter." She nodded again,  
  
"I understand, especially round here, did you know that Sunnydale has the highest percentage of violent or unexplained deaths in California?" I tried to look surprised.  
  
"It does? Not in America then?" Willow smiled a grim smile.  
  
"Well, almost, there are a few other places that are as high as or higher than Sunnydale, like New York for example."  
  
"Wow,"  
  
"Yeah,"  
  
"So everyone hangs here huh?" I asked after a quiet moment of contemplation of the number of vamps in the world. She nodded,  
  
"Yeah, I think I saw Jesse somewhere, he's probably near Cordelia, wherever she might be."  
  
"He got a crush?"  
  
"Big time, poor Jesse, he still keeps on liking her even when she's so nasty to him."  
  
"Well, maybe we can bring him to his senses? Get his mind off Cordelia somehow." I look around for any sign of Jesse,  
  
"That's a good idea," Willow said as she began looking around as well. "Or it would be if he was here." She continued.  
  
"Are you sure?" I ask, growing more concerned for Jesse's health by the second.  
  
"Pretty sure, Cordelia's over there," She pointed out Cordelia sitting at a table surrounded by her minions, um, Cordettes. "Jesse would be within ogling distance of her, and, well, I just don't see him, do you?"  
  
"No." Damn it, she was right, Jesse wasn't here anymore, if he had ever been here that is. I needed to find him and fast.  
  
"Hey Willow, I'm just going to the bathroom, you wait here okay, I'll be back in a sec."  
  
"You don't have to come back," She told me in her sweet unconfident voice, and this was the Willow who might have a bad addiction to magic someday? It seemed so unbelievable.  
  
"I'll be back." I assured her as I turned to look for Jesse.  
  
As much as I looked for Jesse I couldn't find him and my heart grew heavier by the second, I had the worst feeling. Deciding to get Willow and leave so she at least was safe I bumped into Xander who had just arrived.  
  
"Xander, hey, you seen Jesse at all?" I asked still looking around, still more than worried.  
  
"I think I saw him go off somewhere,"  
  
"You did, was he with anyone?" Xander gave me an odd look before answering,  
  
"Yeah, some pretty brown haired chick, I'm giving him major kudos for this; usually he's stood within drooling distance of Cordelia."  
  
"Yeah, there won't be any kudos if he's dead." I muttered to myself, weighing up the options, go back to the library or go find Jesse with Xander and Willow tagging along.  
  
"Right, because what, the girl he went off with might be a vampire and then you would have to slay her?"  
  
I looked back at Xander who had a strange smile on his face. How had he known?  
  
"You heard us in the library didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah, I heard you and that weird British guy talking crazy."  
  
"That I'm the slayer right?"  
  
"I heard that you think you're the slayer and that both of you should probably have some serious therapy and possibly medication."  
  
"I am the slayer Xander. But I can't debate the issue right now, we have to get Willow and find Jesse somehow, before it's too late." I muttered the ominous cliché at the end as I dragged him towards Willow.  
  
10 minutes later we had walked in the general direction Xander had mentioned and had found nothing, a cemetery was, of course, in this area so I resolved to do a quick sweep of it, including the mausoleum which seemed way too familiar and I had to do this while making sure Xander and Willow didn't end up as the master's midnight snacks, fun.  
  
No sooner had we come within hearing distance of the mausoleum than we were surrounded by three vamps, three fashionably challenged vamps at that, but three vamps none the less. When one tried to grab Willow I punched him and let a quick roundhouse kick do the rest, dusting him before the others could look appropriately disturbed, but they didn't seem to bright and were eager to attack once again. I thought I'd try and distract this time while I considered the chances of others arriving.  
  
"Where's Jesse?" The first one sneered at us.  
  
"Oh, was that his name, I'm afraid it's a little late for that he's already been and gone, gone forever that is!"  
  
"Yeah he's dead." The second one added needlessly, this one, a girl, was about as air headed as she could get.  
  
"I just covered the whole dead bit you dumb bitch!"  
  
"Fine, if that's the way you want it." With that she turned and strode off into the dark leaving butt face behind.  
  
"Oh, dear, looks like you had a tiff, oh just as well, you'll be dead in twenty seconds." And before he could manage some lame ass reply, I slammed him with several kicks and blows about his head before my stake had its second dusting of the night.  
  
"Oh god! What was that Buffy? Jesse can't be dead, he just can't be, right?" Xander asked looking ill,  
  
"Dead? That couldn't have been a vampire, could it, I mean they don't exist." Willow said quietly, looking worse than Xander.  
  
"I'll explain when we get back; right now we need to get out here, fast." I said starting towards the school. My heart heavy; Jesse was gone and I'd known he was going to die and hadn't been able to save him.  
  
Was there anything I would be able to change, beyond my own choices?  
  
Tbc,  
  
Love feedback guys......  
  
Becca. 


	6. Over

Okay everyone or anyone considering it's been so long I wouldn't be surprised if you guys had given up on me  although I really do have a good excuse this time…..my baby girl is nearly 10 weeks old, so I am a bit busy being a mummy! Anyway, here is the next chapter, disclaimers can be found in first chapter and maybe other ones (it's fairly obvious the bits that aren't mine anyway)……love feedback…….

6. Over

Giles was saying something, something about demons on earth eons ago or some such thing, I wasn't really listening. All I could see was Jesse's face and all I could think was that I hadn't been able to save him. I'd known he was going to die and I hadn't saved him. I'd known….I'd known…

"Buffy!" Giles took me out of my depressing reverie,

"Sorry Giles, what was that?" He looked at me for a second, apparently hesitant as to whether to ask me if I was ok, he was making the face.

"I was saying that before man…"

"….demons walked the earth, made it their hell, but in time they lost their hold and that's when humans came, right?" He nodded and continued, for Xander and Willow's benefit.

"Yes, what remains of these are certain magic's, certain creatures,"

"And vampires." I said as he did. Xander looked agitated while Willow looked vaguely sick.

"See this is what I have a problem with, we are talking about vampires; we are having a talk with vampires in it."

"But that's what they were right?" Willow asked, her voice quavering slightly.

"Yes they were, as much as you can try to justify or explain them away as something else, they were vampires, believe me, I had trouble with it in the beginning, trouble believing, ya know after I was done with the screaming part. I'm sorry you guys."

"I need to sit down."

"You are sat down."

"Oh," She took a deep breath.

"And vampires are demons?"

"The books tell that the last demon to leave this reality fed off a human mixed their blood. He was the human form possessed – infected – by the demons soul. He bit another and another and so they walk the earth, feeding, killing some, mixing their blood with others to make more of their kind; waiting for the animals to die out and the old ones to return."

"This is not good, how could we not know this?" Willow asked

"People no longer believe, there isn't enough evidence for them and they would rather be blind to it. But there are those who know; who fight against them; including the slayer and those sworn to protect her." He glanced at me but I felt too sick to care, sick with disgust that I hadn't saved Jesse.

"And that would be what? Buffy?" Xander asked also glancing at me, "But she's a girl…" This I did take issue with, giving Xander a withering glance, honestly, boys, men, they're all the same.

"As long as there have been vampires, there has been a slayer. One girl in all the world, the chosen one…" I had to smile slightly; this was just so typical Giles,

"He loves doing this part." I told them, smiling wickedly. Giles didn't look as amused.

"Very well, the slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is the slayer, don't tell anyone, I think that is sufficient information." He said closing his book and looking a bit annoyed.

"Except for how do we kill them?" Xander asked, obviously dying to avenge Jesse, well, dying is the wrong word, I just wished there wasn't any need for avenging his death in the first place, what should I have done differently?

"You don't, I do."

"But Jesse…"

"Jesse is gone Xander." I told him, a bit too harshly, while an errant tear escaped out of my eye. "Besides he was my responsibility."

"That's not true…"

"If you hadn't been there they'd have taken us too, killed us…" Willow said quietly, looking even paler.

"We still have a pressing problem on our hands." Giles said, speaking directly to me.

"The Harvest, crap, but isn't that tonight right?" He nodded,

"Yes it is, from what I have gathered."

"What's the harvest?" Xander asked, looking from Giles to me and back again. He seemed hesitant to tell them.

"Ya might as well Giles, I don't think they're just gonna go back to class and pretend all this didn't happen."

"Very well, we have…discovered that a ritual is to take place tonight, it is called the harvest."

"The short version is it's a ritual to free a very old and powerful vampire and to restore him to full strength."

"Yes, thank you Buffy, the long version, as you would put it began some sixty years ago…" I rolled my eyes, but kept quiet, I wasn't all knowing after all and I figured Xander and Willow deserved to know. "….when a very old and very powerful vampire came to this land, not just to feed, but because this town is a mystical convergence. The Spanish settlers called it Boca Del Inferno, roughly translated as Hellmouth, a sort of portal from this reality to the next. This vampire hoped to open it, hoped to let the demons have the earth, but it didn't work. He caused an earthquake that swallowed half the town and him with it. Odds are he got himself stuck, opening dimensional portals being a rather tricky business."

"And the Harvest is to get him out?" Xander asked, looking more horrified by the minute.

"It is; it comes once a century, on this night. The Master will draw power from one of his minions while it feeds. The minion is called the vessel and bears this symbol." Giles said, ending in his drawing a three pointed star like symbol on the board.

"I need to dust the vessel." I said, Giles nodding,

"Where do you suppose this is going to happen?" Giles asked, looking straight at me and giving me a pointed look.

"The Bronze," I answered,

"Are you sure?" Willow wondered looking between the two of us.

"I'm sure. Need to do a little planning, and I'll need to make a stop for supplies, my mom is so not gonna be cool with this." I groaned, oh well, have to make amends later, needed to stop the harvest now.

The rest of the day, was spent making plans and backup plans between a few classes, not that anyone of us was concentrating, but missing classes on the second day of school was not gonna go down too well.

My mom was uncharacteristically chilled out about my going out, she wasn't thrilled about it but I should think that not getting a phone call from the principal over missed classes went someway to explain her mood.

The harvest went down nearly exactly as I remembered. Luke was the vessel, he had the Bronze locked up, but not well enough and it was over fairly quickly without anymore unnecessary deaths. What was different then was that Jesse wasn't there, he was well and truly dead by this time and Xander at least didn't have to stake him. Not that that was the best of best things. I guessed, very depressingly, that it was one less hurt Xander was going to endure because of vampires, this town, and of course, me. Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself at all you understand. Well maybe I am.

I was sat in the library, after persuading both Xander and Willow that they needed to go home and sleep. There was no way I was gonna sleep easily; too many thoughts were going round my head, too many bad thoughts. Primarily Jesse and what it meant for the future, and I felt so, tired. I knew too much, and I knew I'd have to share it or else go crazy.

"Buffy." Giles said, sitting down himself and passing me a cup of tea. He seemed to be regarding me, my mood. "You cannot blame yourself Buffy." Well he'd hit the nail right on the head there.

"I can very easily Giles. I knew; I knew it would happen and I didn't stop it. I thought maybe after I'd killed Darla that would be enough to stop..."

"Buffy," He interrupted looking very stern and also compassionate at the same time, "You tried, you tried to save him and that has to be enough. It's terrible that he died, yes, but you cannot dwell on whether you could or could not have saved him. You tried to save him Buffy, you did your best."

"Did I?"

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but vampires are neither merciful nor understanding. They plough onward leaving destruction and death in their wake and it's us that have to deal with it, with the death, because they are inevitable."

"I know that, I just don't understand why I couldn't have…when I knew. What's the point of knowing what's going to happen if I, we can't change it, change the bad things." He shook his head, knowing this question had been coming and she was right in a way, what was the point?

"Buffy, the truth is that you may not be able to change some things, things happen for a reason, both good and bad, and as much as I hate to say it…perhaps Jesse was meant to die, and there was nothing you could have done." I looked up at this, it was so not what I wanted to hear but, something told me it was likely to be true, however much I didn't want it to be. How could I get past not being able to help people, people I know to be in danger? Was I just meant to get over it; get on with it like a good little cold-hearted and unfeeling slayer? I just couldn't do that.

My mind started running in circles again. Did it mean I could only change my own choices and stuff that they affected and nothing else? Or were there things that could be changed and others that couldn't and I would just have to find out which, when they became issues? I shook my head in a futile attempt to clear it a little.

"There are too many things, too many possibilities. How do I know?" It was Giles turn to shake his head,

"I don't know Buffy, all I can say is that time will tell. And maybe it would help you if you shared what you know. That way it is not just you carrying this…knowledge, and we can face whatever problems arise together, like watchers and slayers should." I smiled a little.

"Ok, oh you didn't tell the council did you?"

"No, I did not inform them as you asked, though I'm not normally in the habit of keeping things from them."

"I know, but I don't trust them and if they knew about this they might want to study me or something." He made a face that was one of disbelief but nodded none the less.

"Very well, where would you like to begin? The beginning is always a good bet." He smiled and I felt better. I still had Giles after all, and there was Xander and Willow.

"The beginning," Where in the hell was that? "Ok, I guess the beginning would be, Amy's witch mom who has switched their bodies so she can relive her glory days as a Sunnydale cheerleader." Giles looked at me for a second, oh I'd got him there, he looked way too happy and interested as I went on to tell him the rest of the story and then as we planned what we could do about it. That done, I told him; of what I could recall, of the rest of the mayhem and chaos that was living on the Hellmouth; at least in this first year, and the major big bad things from after. Giles believed that we could deal with most of what came later, later, but I had to tell him if I started to forget things, that way we'd have to go through everything.

Here it was; the fun that was living on the Hellmouth. One thing for sure, vacation was well and truly over.

Tbc……

Thanks for all your reviews…

Becca


	7. Reflections and Repercussions Part 1 S...

Yeah, it's a miracle….here it is…Oh and Buffy don't belong to me blah de blah see first chapter for disclaimer, I've borrowed a couple of lines, pretty obvious which ones…

7. Reflections and Repercussions – Part 1 Scattered Pieces

This is fun, I missed fun; I thought as I vegged on the couch, Willow on one side, Xander on the other, watching some foreign movie which was in all honesty completely unexplainable; but still fun.

Why is it, things can never be this simple all the time? Here and now there's great friends, fun times, no worries.

Well, no worries that don't end at the door. I'll leave them out there thank you very much, and wish I really could leave them for good.

But hey, that's not my gig right?

One girl

Chosen

Always

Fighting

Yeah, fight and die, fight and die.

Alone

And there it is; alone. Why is it, no matter how much fun I'm having, or how many friends or guides I have around me, I walk alone.

How fucking depressing. Seems I can't even go a couple of hours without wallowing.

Strange sometimes I am ok, even fairly ok with who I am. It's me, and my destiny; I have a real purpose, I can make a difference. But then there are the other times, the times I would gladly run and never look back, because there's part of me that wants to fight who I am, the slayer. The fire in me, always fighting; but oddly part of the slayer too, the fire is the slayer. There's a paradox for ya.

We say goodnight at some silly hour, but since there's no school in the morning mom doesn't seem to mind a sleepover in the living room. It's hard to believe I've been here barely 2 months, I feel like we've always lived here, and part of me feels older than 16 still. I know too much, and can't even share what I know with my best friends. Giles said he didn't think it was advantageous at this juncture, too British for words but also right I guess. It's too much right now, they've just been clued in on the whole vampires and demons angle, maybe they wouldn't be able to handle this as well? I dunno, maybe I underestimate them, I know I have done, oh damn it, I mean, I know I will do in the future.

Things are brewing, I can feel it, and it sure as heck doesn't feel right. My spider sense is tingling and all I want to do is enjoy a cool evening with my friends without worrying over it, without wallowing in my own self doubt self pity, and the knowledge that I have, acquired.

Is that selfish? I don't really care, this is me, can hardly change now, but I know who I am when everything comes down to it. I am the slayer, I will fight, I will die, I may even return from the dead, but I'm fucked if I know what's gonna happen, and what I can do with what I know. Maybe nothing, I guess I'll see.

Slayer insomnia sucks.

'Hey Giles' He looked up from his desk, barely registering my presence, certainly not the tea he was about to spill on his lap he was so distracted. Something was up, and it was more than just Monday morning blues.

'Hey wakey wakey Giles,' I say, grabbing the cup and managing to save him from a very sore leg, 'cept for a couple of drops.

'Oh thank you Buffy, I really should be more careful.' He tusked to himself getting up but obviously not wanting to tear himself away from the book he had been reading.

'Something I should know about?' He turned attempting a reassuring smile.

'No, no, nothing to worry about. Not yet anyway,'

'Spill Giles, you can't not tell me, there's obviously something going on, you must be the worlds worst bluffer,' His stance told me he was still unsure, tense. He pursed his lips, knowing I wouldn't let him get away with saying nothing.

'There are signs Buffy, things are happening sooner than we thought,' I sighed,

'There are always signs Giles, what do these say?'

'That a great evil is coming, soon' I rolled my eyes,

'When is there not a great evil coming?'

'Buffy, this is serious…'

'Hey you don't need to tell me Giles, I know how serious thanks, too well actually.' I was going to have to deal sooner rather than later, I don't even know if I should tell him? 'Do you think it's the Master?'

'Very possibly,'

'Then we'll deal, same as ever, I gotta book Giles, got class, see ya later.'

He looked after her; there was definitely something she hadn't told him, and it was bothering her, while her skills at bluffing were a lot better than his, he could still read her better than she thought. Well, at least that was one good thing, they had developed an understanding of each other so quickly it made it easier to work together, and he thought with a wry smile, easier to read her when she wasn't telling him everything.

I'd arrived at Biology a little late but Mr Gregory was letting it go. He was a cool teacher, didn't think I was the loser the others had pegged me as, and also it was probably a little gratitude from when I'd saved his life from that Preying Mantis bug woman a few weeks back. Eugh yuck, thinking about it just makes my skin crawl, what she would have done, but it had been an easy job, bit of bat sonar and a big ol sword, swipe, slash and she was gone, not before Mr Gregory had realised what was going on though, and thus his grateful attitude. It doesn't mean I can slack off on my homework though; he'd made that very clear.

Willow was whispering what I'd missed in the first 10 minutes, something about the valves of the heart. But I wasn't really listening, old habits die hard, thing is I vaguely remember this, how weird is that? I remember learning stuff I've never actually learnt, oooo headache ville here I come. A wandering mind is just too easy in class, looking around at least half the class has that glazed eyes far off expression. I might as well join them.

Like I don't think too much already? Ok, well I do think too much about everything, what is gonna happen what isn't what might be and what has happened so far. I over analyse things to the nth degree so much so that I know I could have done better in that psyche class in college. And there it goes again, I've never took that class.

Well I guess at least some good has come of what I know, I feel the pull of sinking thoughts as my mind considers Jesse, but refuse to let it. Done enough depressing self-pitying there thanks, I know I can do good and make a difference, well sometimes; I know I already have, but I've got a long way to go.

First off, well the cheerleader witch thing was funny, not sure what happened to Amy's mom but it's all good now, well I guess at least until Amy takes up the art herself, better watch her, there's a side of Amy that I don't want to see and don't want others to see, namely Willow. It's difficult looking at Willow now, sweet sensitive Willow, and knowing she has such terrible potential in her.

Then there was Marcie to deal with, since I knew she'd been 'gone' for a while, as it turned out it wasn't as difficult as I had thought. All it was, was simply knowing she was there; wanting to help her, and she came out of it herself, guess she hadn't been that far gone after all. Not psycho anyway, probably needs some major therapy but she seems pretty happy. We see her around, and I have her promise that she won't share my secret with the student body, I think she means it.

Then there was Owen. Lovely cute Owen and it's monumentally unfair that it would never work but that's just how it is. Normal life isn't fair so why should mine be? Giles is far more important anyway, I couldn't let him go it alone at the mortuary, though I don't know what he was thinking; still, very heroic and brave for the tweed guy.

The Hyena thing had been funny too. I shouldn't laugh really, I suppose it was good that Xander hadn't been among them but the memory of that was still funny, and also a plus was that they didn't eat that poor little pig, or Principal Flutie for that matter.

And then there was Angel.

Angel

My wonderings were interrupted by the bell.

'Homework is to read chapters 10 and 11 and answer the questions at the end, you too Miss Summers,' I glanced at Mr Gregory, feeling very guilty, he was the teacher that believed in me and I couldn't even muster the will to listen in class. Ah well, at least I manage to do my homework these days.

'What were you thinking about?' Willow asked on the way to English, 'Or was it someone?' A sly smile appearing on her features.

'What did I miss? Someone? Who someone?' Xander asked looking around a bit peeved for not knowing, as if he might spot the answer in the hallway.

'Angel'

'Yeah, some of it anyway'

'Star crossed, it's so romantic really, in a twisted dark kind of way' she added, looking to me for more details.

'Yeah it is, but that's all it is. Just a silly romantic thing'

'You know it's not' Willow didn't miss anything, and I hadn't even told them everything, because I can't, just the bare essentials. Vampire, tortured soul, tortured love? It's funny really because I've barely seen Angel, my feelings are from before and I guess love doesn't have time limits, doesn't matter if I've seen him once or a hundred times, I know I'm already drawn to him, one reason I'm trying to stay clear.

It's so hard, we knew it couldn't be anything, we know it can't be, but I really do know it can never be anything, in a way no one else is gonna understand. When I told Giles about Angel loosing his soul I didn't say exactly how it happens and just said that it wouldn't happen this time. Suppose will have to face up to it eventually, but it's hard, I do love him, I just know too much to be head over heels right now.

My musings were put on hold for most of my classes for the rest of the day. I figure that actually doing some work isn't going to kill me, besides I know I can and this way mom doesn't have a fit from getting phone calls from the principal or something.

She was home when I got in after school; I didn't have training tonight as Giles had agreed to keep training this week for the weekend. Keeping my secret and keeping mom happy was more important right now.

'Hi honey, did you have a good day?' She asked as I went to join her in the kitchen.

'Yeah not bad, I'm going out, is that ok?' She seemed to consider but I knew she'd let me, my reward for actually asking and 'behaving', huh, if she only knew. No, that was a bad idea, she wouldn't be able to deal with it yet, and I wonder if she ever will.

'Yeah that's ok Buffy, be home for 12 though.'

'Done' and with that I went to see what I had to wear.

I had missed her so much, having her around was amazing, the nagging thoughts in the back of mind stayed there for now, I was gonna try not to worry.

The truth was too horrible to think about. And a part of me wished I had never looked for info about aneurysms. To be honest I was searching for something I knew wasn't there; someway to stop it. But it doesn't exist; aneurysms are like mines in the brain, virtually undetectable and often fatal; can strike at any time of life, sometimes they don't even have symptoms and even the test for them is so difficult that it isn't done very often as that can trigger one.

It was despairing; heartbreaking. I didn't know what to do, maybe I should tell Giles, at least then I could share the terrible burden.

In truth, the one person I wanted to tell, to run to was Angel, ever since he'd been in this house and I'd bandaged his wound from our run in with the 'Three', something I really didn't see the point in preventing, not like anything major had happened. I knew it was there. The connection between us, it had been almost painful, like a stab to the heart. I'd looked into his eyes and seen him, known him, our lips had barely touched when we heard my mom moving about upstairs and he'd made a swift exit. Not before looking at me again with those big tortured brown eyes. I shiver just thinking about it.

It's never gonna be more than stolen moments.

How the hell am I going to stay away from him?

Simple Buffy, just remember what Angelus was like and I'm sure you'll manage to keep your knickers on.

Yeah, still love him though, or part of me does.

My walk to the Bronze was quiet, no stalkers tonight. As it turned out my stalker were already there when I arrived. His presence was so distracting I forgot what I was saying to Xander and Willow more than once.

'Just go over there already' Xander said suddenly, giving him a questioning look he continued, 'Well until you talk to him he's not gonna leave is he?'

He looked so hot, I better not linger.

'Hey'

'Hey'

'Your side feel ok now?' Well it was easier to verbalise than 'I love you but can't sleep with you cos you'll go all evil.'

'It's fine, vampire healing'

'Right,'

'Buffy…' He started, looking at me so intently I knew I had to, leaning in, his lips brushed mine with a soft and uncertain passion. The kiss deepened quickly. Oh hell, this can' happen. I broke away, wanting to scream at the injustice of the world, of this.

'This can never be anything.' I said, trying to concentrate on his eyes and not his miraculous mouth, trying to communicate the seriousness of my statement to him.

'I know' was his reply; I shook my head, backing away a little more with each moment.

'No, you don't, you really don't' Turning I walked back to my friends, resisting the urge to flee the short distance home and cry myself to sleep.

We spent a few depressing minutes just thinking on things, until I decided to snap out of it. Yeah so Angel and I could never be together, well not without some miracle or something but it didn't mean I was dead right? Honestly, sometimes I surprise myself with how much I can feel sorry for myself.

'Come on guys.' I said suddenly, practically jumping up off my seat while Xander and Willow looked at me a bit taken aback.

'You ok Buffy?' Willow asked uncertainly,

'Totally fine Will, can't sit around all night moping right, let's dance,' I replied grabbing her hand and leading her across to the dance floor, well dragging would be more accurate, 'You too Xander,' He practically bounded up to us, starting to 'boogie' to what was probably the rhythm in his head as it sure wasn't the one the band was playing to. Down boy, he was just too keen for his own good, poor sweet Xander; I better not let him get his hopes up. As cute and Xander'y as he is, even if I loved him that way I don't think I could ever do that to Willow. At least not while she's still in love with him, and probably not while she's still in the proverbial Wicca lesbian closet.

We proceeded to dance away what crappiness had been lingering and had a great time, so good a time I almost forgot Angel's continued presence in the corner of the club; almost. Damn, time to go before I start thinking again.

I got in after walking Willow and Xander home and after a very quick sweep of the nearest graveyard. Not much action but enough to scratch the slayer itch, fighting itch that is, and enough to keep him off my mind. Fairly wiped out I fell into a restless sleep.

The moonlight shone in my bedroom window, casting an uneasy light on the floor. Something was wrong.

I sat bolt upright in bed. Not disturbed by something around me, but by something inside me, my dreams. I can't even get a decent night sleep. 'You don't need sleep' came the response from somewhere in my head. Shut up! I need some, but I hate this. Giles is right, something isn't right, it's coming sooner than we thought but why? I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on what was left of the dream……images, vampires, screaming, the master, water, my breath…gone, and, I opened my eyes in alarm, hearing the words in my head, 'Home, sweet home' uttered by a bleached blonde vampire as he flicked a cigarette to the ground.

Oh shit.

Tbc…


	8. Reflections and Repercussions Part 2 S...

8. Reflections and Repercussions – Part 2 - Spike

Well, I couldn't very well sleep after that. I spent the rest of the night basically thinking too much, as per usual, only one thing was different, this time I was thinking about Spike. The emotions that vampire brought out in me were not pretty; burning fiery hate. Of everything and everyone he was the one thing I truly hated and wished dead and had wished myself dead over, hate and shame were both majors themes here and the sick joke was none of it had happened yet. It was so not gonna happen this time, this reality. But what the hell was he doing here now? This wasn't right. I had to speak to Giles.

'Morning Buffy, you're here early' Giles greeted me at 7.30am in the library.

'I know, but I need to talk to you,' Ah perhaps she's ready to tell me what has been bothering her? Giles wondered, but soon knew it wasn't as Buffy explained about her dream and Spike.

'But didn't you tell me that Spike and Drusilla were due to arrive sometime in September? What makes you think that this dream means they are here now? Might you not simply be projecting things as a result of your, err, vision.' I glared at him, what did he think I was, new at this?

'No, I know Spike is here now, I just know,' Giles frowned, obviously considering the implications, and not liking it much better than me. He looked up after a minute,

'Well, it isn't good but I don't see how this changes things really,'

'It changes everything Giles, this isn't what I remember! It's got to mean something right? Did something I do change something?'

'It's possible Buffy, of course, equally possible is that fact that this, or our reality rather, is different to the one you experienced, in which case we can't expect things to be the same,'

'This is so unfair,' Giles smiled slightly, it wasn't a happy look though,

'No, but life is such,' I held my hand up not wanting to hear anymore of that kinda vein of thought,

'I know Giles, I know!' Talk to the hand cos I don't wanna hear it.

Meanwhile, somewhere under Sunnydale in the ruins of an ancient church, the master was greeting a couple of new arrivals.

'Well well, Spike, what is it that brings you to my town? It's a long way from where I last saw you, rampaging through Europe if I recall?' The vampire shrugged and flicked his cigarette end into the shadows.

'Yeah, well, I, felt like a change, thought this place might be good for Dru, been hearin things too, some slayer making waves?'

'She will be taken care of.' The master spoke with a venom and disgust in his voice,

'Really, I heard that she already took out some of you're bestest buddies, Darla? Luke?' He looked almost pained at the memory, as if he felt at their deaths.

'She was my favourite, but she was careless, weak,'

'I'll be takin care of this slayer then,' Spike stated, sounding like he had already planned what particular kind of death he had in mind for her,

'No Spike, I have my own plans for her,' He considered the master for a second before shrugging,

'Whatever you say mate,' and with that he turned and guided Dru out of the cavernous darkness, 'doesn't mean I can't have a bit of fun of my own,' he muttered smirking.

This was bad, I wasn't sure just how bad yet but it didn't really matter. Spike meant trouble, I felt like I'd rather hide in a big hole o' crap than deal with him. Course this is stupid, I can deal, I'm the slayer; the rest is coming from a place of pain and despair that just doesn't exist, or it shouldn't. I guess the real world isn't ideal, hardly what with all those pesky demons running around, and for some reason I can't just dismiss Spike's part in my personal hell, vision or no vision.

It comes back down to the question of just what he is doing here, now. Was it because of me? Of course it's because if you, you silly idiot. Boy, Spike sure does bring out the best kind of self hatred. So there any unoccupied holes in the ground hereabouts that I could hide in? Actually, that's not a good question in a graveyard that has a way above average amount of risen vampires, and still counting, there's more vacant holes in the ground here than a dodgy construction site.

I just want to go home, curl up in my bed and pretend this isn't happening, but I'm not gonna do that. It just isn't in me to do that right now. I have to fight, to fight him and prove that he will never win, to get him out of town. I have enough to deal with.

I'm only hanging around here in the hope that he appears and I can get to the ass kicking. I have good instincts.

'Well, well, well,' drawled the voice, I sneered in disgust, you could hear the smirk and turning I see him, I was right, there he is, smirking at me, leaning against a monument, fag hanging out of one side of his mouth. 'Isn't this a pretty sight? Does your mommy know you are out this late?'

'Oh funny, spare me the pathetic dialogue Spike, I have better things to do,' He looked slightly taken aback before putting the conceited smirk back on his face and pretending like he wasn't the least bit unnerved. Huh, good, I hope he is; arrogant wanker.

'You know me do you? I don't believe I've had the pleasure slayer.' Yeah and you never will, arsehole.

I put on a slight air of boredom, casually waving my stake around, just to give him the message that this conversation wasn't gonna end without a fight. Sure it might not end with a big pile of dust or him running out of town with his tail between his legs but it was definitely somewhere to start.

'Awww no did I spoil your fun? Sounds like you do know me, wanker, so that gets the pleasantries out of the way,' His face didn't change but his stance did, which told me all I needed to know, he didn't like this one bit. Hah!

'Sure you got me right pet? I'm a lot worse than you think; I've killed 2 slayers and it's about time I made it a hat trick,'

'Oh yeah right 2 slayers, but you know what Spike, you don't scare me, I can take you, I've got more than enough in me to kill you, and I will kill you.'

Huh, I'd omitted the word hate there, hate in me. No need to give him the idea that he creates such hate in me. He was shaking his head,

'I don't think…'

'That's just it Spike, you don't think, you shouldn't have come here.'

'I know, you have better things to do, but I tell you what, as we're such great friends now, as a personal favour from me to you, I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit,' he drawled as his face morphing into his 'demonic visage'.

'No Spike, it's gonna hurt a lot.' He growled and lunged, anger making him sloppy. I ducked and evaded him easily. We exchanged a few blows and punches. I flipped over a gravestone and kicked him in the face on my way down. Landing with agility that never seems to transfer to my 'normal' life I was able to keep one step ahead of the blonde vampire, I punched his face and chest in such quick succession that I could feel his resolve weakening, particularly when I heard several ribs crack. He fell to the floor, I kicked him,

'Get up, piece of shit,' I shouted at him, kicking again. Suddenly I felt my legs pulled out from under me and I landed with a thud on the hard ground. Annoyed, I got up, quickly tripping him as he tried to rise.

'I don't think so,' I said feeling a grim and great satisfaction in knowing Spike was about to die, at my hands.

'Buffy!' Giles? I looked around for a split second, spotting Giles as he came out from behind a bush, as I turned my back I saw Spike in the corner of my eye, getting ready to elbow my face in. With a speed that surprised me I dodged it smacking down on his arm with such force I heard it break and catching the crossbow Giles had offered I aimed it at him as he tried to make a hasty retreat.

Aiming at his heart I fired it and watched it speed its way towards him, just as I assumed he was dust he turned round catching the arrow just before he got all dusty and snapping it. He gave me a fleeting smirk, though it definitely wasn't like the previous one it was there nonetheless and he carried on running. I started after him but Giles stopped me.

'There'll be another chance to kill him Buffy; you did a good job at letting him know that,' I turned to see him considering me, he so knew there was something more going on, why I wanted to kill Spike way more than any other vampire.

'I can't believe I let him go,' I said furious with myself and mildly annoyed at Giles too, I could have caught up with Spike; I can run pretty damn fast,

'Well, the bad news is that I'm sure he'll be back for you to finish the job,' He replied still fixing me with his questioning gaze. I could tell he really wasn't going to let this go, but how could I possibly tell him the real reason I hated Spike so much?

'Not a bad day's work I suppose,' I conceded, 'He won't forget me anyway,' Not sure if that's a good thing or not, but hopefully it'll keep him away for a while.

'There's something you aren't telling me,' Giles stated as we walked away, I glanced at him,

'Yeah,' I said, hoping he wasn't gonna push it, 'I can't, not yet anyway,' He nodded, as we reached his car,

'When you are ready to tell me I am here,' I smiled, getting in the passenger side, 'My mind is always open, it has to be in this job Buffy, I am your guide, I am here to help you, and, I do not judge.' Where did that come from? It's almost as if he's read my mind, like he knows or something but that's so not possible. He couldn't even begin to imagine the hell associated with that vampire.

The following morning found me going into the library with a little trepidation; it was slightly unnerving knowing that Giles knew something, but then, it was also reassuring too. He was the one thing in my life that would probably never change and I was grateful to have him. He would always be there. He greeted me with his usual smile.

'Morning Buffy,'

'Morning Giles,'

'Did you sleep well, after last nights', err, run in?' It was worded politely enough but I could tell her was asking more than what his words had said.

'Yeah, I'm good Giles, thanks, just hope he stays away.' Giles looked doubtful, 'Hey I can hope right?' I smiled; I would deal with him when I had too. That's what I do; I deal. I kick evils' butt, it's who I am.

I spotted Xander and Willow at the table.

'Hey what's all this stuff guys?' I asked, looking around at the numerous and messy piles of books covering table and floor. Giles did not look amused.

'Miss Calendar and some of her students are updating those dreaded machines library by, um scanning all these books.' He obviously saw this as an intrusion, though I could still see his looks at Miss Calendar who was over at the computer with Willow. 'But frankly I do not want to know what she is doing with my books, its sacrilege really.' He muttered, annoyed.

I glanced at Miss Calendar too, though for completely different reasons.

'Hey Buffy,'

'Hey,' I replied wondering what she was thinking, the two faced lying deceiving cow woman. Maybe that's too harsh; I just think it would have been so much better had she told us who she was in the first place, and then it might never have happened. I'm not sure what to think now I know who she is. I regarded Giles talking with Willow. I guess he deserves to know too, what he does with the info is up to him, I don't see any point letting her in on it right now.

I start to head out again when I spot an odd looking old chest among the masses of books. Oh, think I better do something about that before we are all sorry.

'Giles, come here a sec,' I point to the chest as I speak,

'I think we ought to deal with the book in there, because we really don't want that chaos demon unleashed on the internet.' He looked startled and then regained his composure. We opened it to check it was that book of Molochs', be just typical to dispose of the wrong one. I smiled in grim acceptance as I resealed the chest. One good thing here is that Willow won't have to find out the hard way that internet dating just isn't a good idea for her.

'We better get this somewhere it won't ever be found, since I suppose it can't be burned?'

'No, you're right, it won't burn, time for a boat trip,' Giles said, looking not in the least bit annoyed at the event. He really needed to get out more.

Looks like life is back to normal, I wonder, for how long? My guess is that Spike's early appearance won't be the last thing that's changed in my twisted little reality. I hope he won't be back for a while, who knows with him, I know one thing though, the next time I see him, I will kill him.

As I walked home, Giles' words echoed in my head, something he'd said when I'd first told him,

'When you change events, you can't expect that other things won't be affected.'

No matter how hard I try there will be bad things to fight, to stop, whether they are what I know, or different, better get used to it, I don't know why I ever thought knowing the future was gonna make things easier.

Tbc…

Hope you like it, please review.

Becca.


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